NOT FADE AWAY
by sage360
Summary: A different look at the aftermath of ART OF ATTRACTION What happen's when the right passion falls on the wrong person? BS and JL Maybe....COMPLETE! YEAH!
1. What We Should Have Said

NOT FADE AWAY  
  
By: Sage 360  
  
Disclaimer: M-X, Don't Own Them. Enjoy!  
  
Okay, this is a little 'what if' Lady Price wanted me to write after watching "Art of Attraction". It borrows from both Wasteland and Conspiracy Theory in particular. Enjoy!  
  
WHAT WE SHOULD HAVE SAID  
  
They sat across the table from one another. Minus Brennan, minus Shalimar and any other ego or distractions that could interrupt them. Only the hum of Sanctuary's computers buzzed in their ears. It was quickly becoming annoying.  
  
Jesse Kilmartin. Lexa Pierce. The pairing was an oxymoron in itself. But also it was a strange balance. His good to her evil, his peace to her war, her shadow to his light. For months, since they met, that 'tease' had been between them. That what if that made one wonder things about the other not necessarily conducive to all of Mutant X. But that had changed since that last damned mission which both fried his nerves and she made no apologies for. Since that night she slept with Blake.  
  
Jesse had waited for her in the Helix like a trained dog.  
  
Not anymore.  
  
Ever sine she'd stepped onto the plane and saw the handsome blonde face scowl, Lexa knew she'd hit a chord in Jesse rarely touched. There was anger more so that hurt. Pure rage. He wanted to kill Blake -and maybe her just a little more. Sweet Jesse, she thought. He simply was too 'nice' to not want anything from her. What man truly only wanted to get to know a woman? What man didn't expect some form of physical activity for their invested time? What male honestly had it in his heart to look out for someone they barely knew for the sole purpose of protecting them?  
  
That man sat across from her. And his obvious reasons made him that much harder to ignore. She'd never dealt with a man who didn't have an angle. They just seemed easier.  
  
"When we had to deal with Alicia," He started. "It was strange. She was such a part of my past. You almost seemed protective about it- about me."  
  
The brunette crossed her arms. "I didn't want you to... compromise the mission."  
  
"You didn't want me to get hurt. I saw that, Lex." Jesse ran a hand though his hair. "Brennan and Shalimar have been 'difficult' with you since you got here. I just wanted to be..."  
  
"I'm not used to having friends." She finished for him. "Not  
used to a lot of things."  
  
"I see that now." He began. "It bothered you when I slept with Alicia."  
  
"Not so much bothered." Lexa would never admit to jealousy on her part. She was too easy to detach by now. But that idea had sat with her more differently then anything. She had wanted to make sure he was alright. "The past always has a hold on us."  
  
"Lex, when I reconnected with Alicia. It was out of love...No intentions for hurt, nothing to prove. I just wanted to know that part of my life was still-there." His hands folded, causing the dirty blonde head to lower. His question was fast becoming obvious to her, and she didn't want to go there.  
  
"Jess-"  
  
"What made you-just 'give' your self to 'him'." The molecular managed. For the first time, the brunette truly saw how it affected Jesse. Since day one, he'd played hero for her. Now, the blue eyes showed an honest cast of betrayal. And the man was holding back.  
  
"I told you, I can't figure emotions into things right now."  
  
"Right now, was before Leo died." He snapped. Immediately her chair pulled form the table.  
  
"We're not having this conversation."  
  
The molecular stood, pushing around to the opposite end to block her. "Yes, we are!" He replied. "And I'm sorry. That was low. But, Lex-"  
  
"Jesse," She began, honestly looking for a way to be 'nice' with him. Shit! She thought. It never works. "You've been there for me in ways I can't explain. Ways I can't process without looking for an angle. I can't explain why I slept with Blake, and I can't apologize for it. So don't ask me to."  
  
"Right." He smirked. "Don't ask you too- just know it wasn't the first time you've done so."  
  
Ice blue eyes watched him with dangerous surprise. He could see a flicker of pain slip past them, and almost held back. Lexa covered with a knowing grin. "Now, you're catching on."  
  
"Lex-"  
  
"Let me tell you something, Jess. You allowed yourself to get close to me. You were so intent on getting me to open up, you never once thought that you might not like the person you find. You didn't think I could actually hurt YOU." The admission made her feel sorry for him. "I'm not Emma." She stated flatly, causing his head to snatch up.  
  
"YOU FUCKED 'HIM' CAUSE YOU'RE AFRAID OF ME!"  
  
Both grew quiet at his yelling. Somewhere in Sanctuary, feral ears perked up when getting hit by the rage in her brother's voice. Steps began a slow descent towards the kitchen. "I made you see that you didn't have to be so hard, and it made you scared, Lexa. You don't know yourself outside the evil motives. You can't wear a color other than black cause it makes you feel weak!"  
  
"Jess, I know all too well the person I am! YOU can't see that YOU can't save everybody! And that includes me!"  
  
"Lexa, people can only save themselves. Y'know, I don't know why I represent something so weak for you. It's ass backwards for someone to run from people who are there for them. Nothing is wrong with being vulnerable."  
  
"I am not vulnerable!" She yelled. In all the arguments he'd experienced with her, the brunette had never really raised her voiced. "Being vulnerable gets you killed! Being VULNERABLE gets you attached to people you know could die the next day and that includes all of you! Leo was my only exception, now he's gone! I told you, there was no reason for me to be here -and you asked me to stay! Then when I sleep with someone -about as casually as you and Brennan do, I might add- I'm suddenly the Sanctuary slut! You're right, Jess, you represent things for me I won't face. And the way you feel right now is the reason why."  
  
Their silence was piercing in itself. The tall man pushed strong hands deep into his pockets, listening to her voice continue. That thin thread of rage slowly began to build. "It's always come down to hurt or be hurt for me." Lexa began. "Just know it wasn't intentional."  
  
"Wasn't intentional!? You know how I am about you! You slept with another man when you know I care for you! You fucked him cause you couldn't face me. Lex, you let yourself be used!"  
  
"You-"  
  
"I held you every night for weeks after Leo died! I asked you to stay here when, once again, YOU wanted to run! I didn't want anything in return!"  
  
"No, you didn't ask, but it was there. You were waiting to make some move!"  
  
"Lexa, I didn't want anything to happen to you." He admitted. The man began to pace, rotating his neck to escape the oncoming stress. "But you seem content to hurt yourself."  
  
"Bottom line, I slept with Blake for my reasons. I won't apologize."  
  
Two shades of blue crossed each other in a glowing anger, once and still motivated by want. But ego crept in, creating a deeper rift. In her heart, Lexa wanted to be honest, say the things she'd meant to since he saved her life the first time. (Taking of Crows, s3) But, that didn't fit for her. Jesse spoke with a tone remnant of his male teammate, casting a seemingly permanent shadow on the woman before him. "Bottom line," He repeated. "I won't save you anymore."  
  
The woman turned walking away, not looking back as she clutched her pride and held back tears. The actress in her stayed surprisingly calm. "I never asked you to, Jess."  
  
Moments after her heels clicked across the floor, Shalimar's ears tweaked from the dish flying across the room and hitting the wall. In all the time she'd known her 'brother', no one had stirred his anger like that. The blonde leaned into the wall, crossing her arms in serious thought. Lexa wasn't ready for Jesse, and he couldn't handle who she really was- or at least what she presented herself to be. "God," she whispered before finally turning to walk in the kitchen. "How do we get out of this one?" 


	2. Echo

NOT FADE AWAY  
  
By: Sage360  
  
Disclaimer: M-X, Don't Own Them. Enjoy!  
  
Hey! Thanks for all the emails in my 'time off'. I have a favorite new band, so this chapter is based on their song. The band is TRAPT and the song is "Echo."  
  
ECHO  
  
He paced his room, trying to think. No clarity came. A million times, he'd wished this situation was as easy ans Brennan and Shalimar. They only had to admitted their emotions to each other. Jesse needed his strength, and that being air quickly had him grabbing his coat. The beach was only moments away.  
  
He'd never been able to figure her out and that had been the attraction -still was. Even now, as his footsteps charted a path into the sand, the molecular scanned their short relationship. She was damned right in saying one thing, she definitely wasn't Emma.  
  
The redhead would have never caused him such grief. But she was in the past, something he could no longer grasp the way he needed to. In his mind, she always reverberated smiling, warm and safe. In some ways, Lexa made him feel as though he was cheating on her.  
  
Pushing hands into his coat pocket, he pushed over StormKing's pale dunes, letting the cool air wrap around him. Air always restored his sanity. Between his apologies to a ghost and the wondering for a broken women, air seemed to be all he had. Still, the nobility in him wondered if Lexa was really okay.  
  
She'd torn through her room, wanting so desperately to pack, to pick up, leave and never look back at Mutant X. This damned rock and the people in it had only brought her pain. Her normal choices, rational choices would have never allowed her to save or protect them. She'd still be detached and safe.  
  
Somehow, her body wouldn't function. Instead of packing, the brunette leaned weakly on her stereo, fumbling with the knobs till something familiar came on. Music gave her strength just as a light did. The beginning chords pulled at her heart, insisting her fingers pull at her clothes. Soon, the volume surpassed running water in her shower.  
  
I think about your face  
  
And how I fall into your eyes  
  
The outline that I trace  
  
Around the one that I call mine  
  
Time that called for space  
  
Unclear where you drew the line  
  
I don't need to solve this case  
  
And I don't need to look behind  
  
Simply put, the woman needed to drown. Her body, her soul, her heart- all needed release. And when she couldn't bring herself to, running water could do it for her. Under the downpour, she leaned against the expensive marble wall. Finally crying for everything. Her life, Leo, and Jesse. Blake had been purely physical and a power play on her part. It was simply too easy to fall for the molecular. He was too good, what she didn't deserve but so secretly wanted. Even more so, she didn't want to corrupt him. Shit, she thought. Too late for that. He had to want something. He had to...  
  
Close my eyes  
  
Let the whole thing pass me by  
  
There is no time  
  
To waste asking why  
  
So I'll run away with you by my side  
  
I need to let go of this pride  
  
Until this echo in my mind  
  
Slumping to the floor, Lexa curled into a ball under the running water. It was only alone that she could truly release. Tears faded into the shower water. It was so much easier not to 'feel'. God would never forgive her for hurting Jesse, the one man she actually knew she could love and who obviously could love her.  
  
At least he'll be safe, she reasoned. I can't hurt him if he doesn't want me.  
  
Before this echo can subside  
  
Do I expect to change  
  
The past I hold inside  
  
With all the words I say  
  
Repeating over in my mind  
  
Some things you can't erase  
  
No matter how hard you try  
  
An exit to escape  
  
Is all there is left to find  
  
His steps carried him further along the shores of Storm King. For once, he couldn't go back knowing that she was there. Even if he knew her anger was a cover, she'd shown just how much it could hurt people. Jesse paced quietly over the rushing tide, replaying every turn of their 'conversation'. No matter how much she fought, he could see it was a cover. And no matter how she tried to hurt him, he knew she'd hurt herself worse. That's why he'd been mad a bout Blake. She compromised herself more so than she ever could him. Their 'night' had been an empty action. Some one had to show her she deserved more.  
  
Close my eyes Let the whole thing pass me by  
  
There is no time  
  
To waste asking why  
  
So I'll run away with you by my side  
  
I need to let go of this pride  
  
Until this echo in my mind  
  
Keep fighting me. He thought as his heels turned, heading back in the other direction. I'll fight back- for you. 


	3. It Had To Happen

NOT FADE AWAY  
  
Disclaimer: M-X, Don't Own Them. Enjoy!  
  
Hey all! I apologize if you can't see my reviews. There has been a serious delay with the uploads. I've written fanfiction.net and am awaiting a response from them. When I can FINALLY get them, I will reply to you all! Otherwise, send me an e-mail till then (Let me know if you're having upload issues as well).  
  
I just saw Divided Loyalties and 'once again' my Lexa/ Brennan suspicions have been sparked- especially after that particular scene in the bar. So, this chapter is based on that.  
  
IT HAD TO HAPPEN  
  
She never though she'd kiss Sparky again.  
  
Ever!  
  
Even now as Lexa paced her room, she was thankful for two things: Jesse didn't see it and Shalimar didn't know. Both facts were keeping her alive. It had mostly been a dare. From the moment she walked in, it had to look real and kissing the man she still blamed for her brother's death wasn't exactly high on her to- do list.  
  
Brennan's breaking contact only angered the Dominion and made her job harder. And that only left her with one option - a face to face.  
  
But somehow face to face, turned into a face to face, put me on the counter, and I'll lock you in 'tease'. Between swapping information - and tongues- the two blatantly dared each other to keep going. His hands on her legs, her lips on his neck- yep, Shalimar would have killed her.  
  
If anything, it was convincing. His friend, Cole, was choking with laughter. And while her heart still held anger, large hands on her thighs and overbearing body heat had left her with something -unsettling. To say the least.  
  
Shit! She thought. This only made her situation worse. It was one thing for her to sleep with Blake - and have Jesse know about it. But Brennan was his friend, his brother, and an expert womanizer. All angles of this made her look like the punk. She cringed at the thought of deep blue eyes catching them kissing much more than was necessary. Poor Jesse, she exhaled. Why did he have to be so...sweet? If she could hate him it wouldn't matter. But it so mattered.  
  
It SO mattered.  
  
Again, she cursed under her breath. If the blonde duo didn't know now, then eventually they would. Brennan was so wrapped up in concern for his friend, she knew he'd eventually tell Shalimar. Then she'd tell her brother- all in protection. Right about then, the word 'shit' seemed to stick in Lexa's head.  
  
Her ears finally focused on the knocking outside the door. "Go away." The brunette snapped.  
  
"We need to talk." That voice made her cringe.  
  
Well, she exhaled before heading to the door. Here we go.  
  
Brennan stood with hands buried deep into his pockets as he slid into her room. "I didn't think you were still up." He admitted.  
  
Lexa made sure to sit a distance from him, in fact she sat at her desk while he continued to stand. "What do you want?"  
  
The dark man exhaled. Obviously, this hadn't been the first thing on his mind. After seeing Cole into the underground, the elemental grew internal for awhile. Finally, his eyes looked at the newest member of Mutant X causing Lexa to squirm. This would be that damned conversation. "About what happened in the bar..."  
  
"What about it." She snapped.  
  
The look of reason once crossing his face now replaced with a knowing smirk. "You've been kissing me a lot lately, Lex."  
  
"Sorry, Sparky. Don't get your hopes up. It was all part of the show."  
  
"Oh, I know...It WAS quite a show."  
  
"Well it won't happen again."  
  
"Funny," Brennan grinned. "I remember you saying that a few months ago in a certain casino."  
  
"And I remember you getting in my way when I told you to back off." He knew she was referencing Leo more so than the mission. "Not much has change."  
  
He sat down on her bed, watching the woman intently. "You're a bit of a control freak."  
  
"I call it over-achieving."  
  
His snickering only unsettled her more. "You definitely over did it."  
  
"You put me up on the bar!"  
  
"Yeah, and you put your legs around me" He smirked. "Never met someone who'd one up you, huh?"  
  
The blue eyes rolled in sarcasm. "Actually I have, and they WERE worth my time."  
  
That made him sit back. Reclining on his arms, dark eyes burned right through her. "I'm gonna say this one time, Lex. I won't be another Blake for you."  
  
Her heart partially relaxed while a streak of anger formed. "I take it that means you're not telling Jesse."  
  
"Or Shalimar."  
  
"Well thank you for the condescending chit chat, but I have to get some sleep."  
  
"Lex-"  
  
"No, you listen Brennan! I told you that was a cover! We kissed because we had to and that's all."  
  
"I'm not arguing. But you did more than you had to. You know Shal had been following me. What if she saw us? She already doubted my handling the mission. You and I kissing would have been the end."  
  
"Yeah..." The brunette smirked. "For both of us." Again, the idea of hurting Jesse came to mind. Shit! She thought. Shit! Shit! Shit! "You can't say anything. If I was 'over doing it', all you had to do was push me away... Gee, I didn't see much of that happening."  
  
"What can I say, I'm a straight man."  
  
"Yeah, whatever." Lexa smirked. "'I'd like to see you tell Shalimar that and walk away."  
  
Again, Brennan watched her, honestly trying to figure the woman out. "All I'm saying...Is you should keep your hands to yourself."  
"This from the man who smacked me on the-" His grin told her not to keep going. "Just practice what you preach, Sparky."  
  
"Yep, whatever. I'm keeping quiet cause I don't want Jess hurt -again. And I don't want either of us killed."  
  
Lexa finally stood, stretching to pull her dark hair together. "Is that all, Captain?"  
  
"Yeah... and the red wig was cute."  
  
"Thanks," She smirked. "It goes with my whip and handcuffs. Now get out!"  
  
She pushed the man back into the hallway, before slamming the door. While one crisis had been avoided, another was on its way. Somehow, Lexa had managed to find feelings for Brennan.  
  
That word 'shit' was in her head all night long. 


	4. Temptation And The Feral

NOT FADE AWAY  
  
By: Sage360  
  
Disclaimer: M-X, Don't own them Enjoy!  
  
MY REVIEWS ARE WORKING! YEAH! Thank you to everyone who wrote in! Here's the next installment, so enjoy. And for Viviana - I'm always the SB fan. Temptation is just a lot more fun! ^0^  
  
TEMPTATION AND THE FERAL  
  
They couldn't see her watching. Having just barely made it out of the kitchen. Lex stood in one of the side hallways. She leaned against the wall, a neon green apple in her hand, and watched her two recent topics of thought. Brennan and Jesse.  
  
They'd just come in from shooting hoops and now raided the fridge in true hungry man style. Why? She thought. Why this team...and these two? Why this situation and this 'tension'? Why did she have to want them both?  
  
But, she knew it was two different types of want. Brennan was something physical -held back. She knew if she didn't pursue him, her life wouldn't buckle from it and than made him bearable, since she probably wouldn't be able to. But Jesse...for her Jesse was an emotional feed. A drug of sorts. She'd deny she was on it, but truly needed it to survive. He filled something she'd tricked herself into thinking wasn't there. He filled her heart.  
  
But as we know, it's always true that we hurt the ones we love the most. And the very thought of the molecular even knowing about her 'make- out' with Brennan shattered the walls of her nerves. Jesse simply was too complex. Brennan was so much easier...In every way.  
  
The woman relaxed against the steal, and strained her ears to pick up their conversation. No doubt it was something man-based and totally boring. That was, till she heard her name.  
  
"I don't know." Brennan barely lied between bites of his sandwich. "It was late when I got in last night. She was probably asleep."  
  
Jesse's brow rose as he fixed his own food. "Or up with the Dominion."  
  
"I wouldn't know. After putting getting Cole out of town, I was beat."  
  
"Yep... Beat enough to go stop by her room."  
  
Lexa froze as she saw Brennan's face. C'mon Sparky, think! The elemental cast a nervous glance at his 'brother'. "Jess, that was nothing."  
  
"Then, why say it didn't happen?" There was an obvious knowing on the blonde man's face.  
  
"Cause I'm not exactly ready to share another one of our arguments." He replied. Lexa gripped the fruit in her hand, mentally coaching him.  
  
"Brennan, that's all you had to say. Why even cover it up?"  
  
"Because, she...works my nerves. The last thing I feel like talking about is Lex."  
  
She continued to watch the two in their awkward silence. To strong men, with different types of beauty. Brennan leaned casually back in his chair. A gracious collection of agile muscle, he was a tease underneath the sleeveless black shirt and sweat pants. Dark hair and the smooth face had her thinking of the cute little kid in her old neighborhood that used to cause so much trouble. She had such a crush on him.  
  
Then there was Jesse. Her Jesse as she sometimes wanted to think. In her late night prowling through the rock, she'd come across the old photos of him. He was so clean cut back then, almost childish looking. But that perfect blonde-haired blue-eyed thing had also been her weakness. He was also a tall collection of muscle, but his beauty was quiet. Something silent and reckless, emerging with locks growing from his head. There was a time when he was okay with being so preppie. Now, that was gone. Time and loss cut a handsome danger into his face. And though his eyes kept their youthful sparkle, something intense sat behind them. Jesse was no longer so innocent and that almost broke her heart.  
  
"So," Brennan continued. "You two work things out?"  
  
"I thought you said you didn't want to talk about Lex?" The molecular said between bites. Their recent conversations and last argument had left a strange lump in his throat. He suddenly wasn't hungry.  
  
"Just...checking up, that's all." Why did that one moment make Brennan feel as though he betrayed his best friend? The reality of it was a cover, just as Lexa said. But any straight man with eyes, couldn't deny the attraction. As physical as it was (and as 'necessary' as he questioned it to be), he'd enjoyed kissing the woman. "You two haven't really talked since then."  
  
"Yeah, I know." Jesse pushed the plate back absently. "Look, Brennan. Lex and I -we had words, and some realizations..."  
  
"And?" The elemental asked. Lexa herself leaned in, wanting an answer.  
  
"And I don't know. I give her space, she gets in close. I get in close-" His words broke and Brennan could swear he saw Jesse's hand mass around his glass of juice. "She sleeps around."  
  
Her head lowered as the elemental swallowed hard. Now, he saw that their not telling Jesse was right. "Dude, it was one time."  
  
"That I know of..."  
  
"What does it matter?" The elemental smirked. "You were never really official. There's plenty of women out there, don't get so caught up in her."  
  
Bastard! She thought. It was in her to throw her apple right at his head. Jesse reclined back in his chair. "Easy to say that when you hate her."  
  
A dark brow rose at that, causing the man to shift uneasily. "I don't hate Lex. We've been through a lot since she came on the team. Some people are just difficult." Some how, his mind always flashed back to that one moment. When he'd wake up on the floor, only to focus on the woman crying over her dead brother. Instantly, her choice burned into him. He hadn't quite been the same since. "All I'm saying is I saw how Blake affected you. Don' go threw it again."  
  
"If it were that simple..." The molecular truly weighted the possibilities of he and Lexa, knowing if anything, it wouldn't be boring. It was enough to make his head hurt. "Dude, I'm hitting the shower."  
  
"Yeah," Brennan replied. "I gotta find Shal. See what's goin' on."  
  
Lexa waited till the men exited the kitchen before stepping back in. Something had to give with Brennan's answers. He was hiding something and that made her cringe. At least now, she could go to her room.  
  
"Not so fast." The voice startled her. Turning, she came face to face with the one person who would kill her over them.  
  
Stepping forward, Shalimar emerged from the shadows, anger seething in her eyes. "We need to talk."  
  
Lexa turned to the agitated feral, ready for anything she might say. "Yes."  
  
"We have a problem..."  
  
"Really," The brunette grinned. "And what's that?"  
  
"You hurting my brother..." The blonde circled her slowly, sizing the woman up. "Just had to open your-"  
  
"THIS is between me and Jesse."  
  
"Lexa, you slept with Blake while he waited in the Helix! He was there to protect you and you were on your back 'weakening the opposition'."  
  
"I don't have to explain myself to you, Shalimar. My choices are my own."  
  
"See, that's just it." The blonde stopped in front of her. "You're choices aren't you own. You aren't by yourself, and this isn't a solo gig. We're a team. We look out for each other. And that means we get involved when the other's down. You can't make those same choices anymore and no matter how you weigh it, we are a part of your decision making. Get used to it."  
  
"See, that's just it, Shalimar." The woman stepped in closer, thinning the space between herself and the blonde. "I AM used to it. Every choice you've tried to avoid, I've had to make over and over. What are you gonna do one day, when you find yourself 'involved' with the opposition? When you end up 'on your back' as you say?" Lexa saw the eyes flash gold and secretly prepared a laser blast. It was always handy to have fire for the feral. "When you have to make a choice between your beliefs and your body to save your them? I've done that - I can still do it. But you..." She now circled the smaller woman, seeing how easily she understood. "How would you even explain it to Brennan?"  
  
"You bitch!"  
  
"No, Shal. I'm just honest. And like I told Jesse, I won't apologize for Blake or how I handle him. Just know, that between you and me, when it comes to those 'hard choices' you think you just have to avoid, I CAN face them straight on..." For the first time, the blonde saw a scarlet flame flash inside the light blue eyes, the extreme degrees of the colors made her cringe. "And I will follow through on every one."  
  
She knew Shalimar could sense her truth. The blonde eyed her in a slow exploration, weighing the very possibility of killing the woman. It would have been her pleasure. "Don't threaten me, Lex."  
  
"Follow your own advice." The chromatic molecular stepped back. "And just so you know. Your-"  
  
"LEXA!"  
  
Both women turned to see the elemental standing a little ways back. He knew what she was about to say and seeing how coiled up the women were wasn't exactly sexy right then- well, maybe a little. Brennan started towards them quickly. "You need some air-"  
  
"No, I don't!" She replied while pulling back from his grip. "Your girlfriend needs to step the hell back."  
  
"Yeah, when you stop messing with this team!" Shalimar snapped.  
  
"Well, wouldn't you like to know how much I've 'messed' with this team!" She yelled, oblivious to the entering footsteps. "But maybe Sparky could tell you that! Better yet, his buddy Cole -he saw the whole thing!-"  
  
"SHIT! Lex, shut- up!" The elemental yelled.  
  
Shalimar looked between the two of them, a knowing fear sweeping her eyes. "Brennan?"  
  
"Shal...We were in the club undercover. It was after I turned of my COMM Link...She came in acting as my girlfriend."  
  
"Acting?" The feral smirked. "Just how much acting was it?"  
  
"Shal-"  
  
"Or did it get about as real as Samantha?!" She interrupted him. "So, what Lex? Did you do him, too? First, you break Jesse's heart, sleeping with a stranger. Then you turn around and fuck his best friend?! Someone he considers a brother?! I wouldn't be surprised. Brennan can't say no to open legs!"  
  
"Shalimar," The elemental edged in. "We didn't sleep together."  
  
"And I'm suppose to believe you!"  
  
"We didn't." Lexa said with a know-it-all smirk. "Sorry to disappoint you..."  
  
The feral looked away, trying to hold her shaking in. "You both make me sick."  
  
"Shal!" Brennan yelled walking past the brunette. "She kissed me!"  
  
"But you kissed back." The woman grinned. "Several times..." Shalimar's face narrowed in its anger.  
  
"LEXA, SHUT UP!" Brennan finally snapped.  
  
The feral turned to face him with cold in her eyes. "You BOTH can shut up."  
  
"See, Shalimar. That choice was based on you being so worried, that you threatened to blow Brennan's cover. So, out of 'concern of you', I went in to reconnect with him -y'know, trade information. Now, that I think about it, It wasn't a hard choice at all... I mean, he reopened his link, which allowed you to follow him again and that eased your nerves cause you were 'looking out for your team'. And to think, all of your piece came from a few minutes of making out."  
  
"Making out?!" The blonde yelled. "You said she just kissed you!"  
  
Brennan rolled his eyes at the situation. Now matter how much he treaded, she pulled him deeper. "Shal, Lexa came in, kissed me in front of Cole, then got me away from him, to trade information. Cole was watching, so she_"  
  
"Made it look real! I know!" The feral interrupted.  
  
"That's all it was. We argued about it when I came back that night. I told her I wasn't about to hurt you or Jesse."  
  
"So, you two planned to keep it quiet, right?" Shalimar's arms folded so tight, that her knuckles whitened.  
  
The dark man exhaled in defeat. "It seemed like the right choice at the time."  
  
"Oh, absolutely." Lexa's voice swam in sarcasm. "I mean, look at you now. You're so wound up, you're shaking. We definitely had the right idea."  
  
"I don't believe you." Shalimar snapped. "I don't believe that Lexa went in with just the intention of 'trading information'! And I still thing you slept together!"  
  
"No, they didn't."  
  
The crowd turned, only to freeze in their actions. Jesse stood there, fists pushed deep into his pockets. His face tired of the entire scene. But he hadn't spoken. That voice belonged to the man several steps a head of him. "I was there and I saw it. Nothing happened between them."  
  
Shalimar stepped forward, now trembling in realization. HE was truly there, in front of her in flesh and blood. "Adam?"  
  
"Yes, Shalimar. And I can a sure you, nothing happened other than their cover." Stepping towards the shocked woman, he pulled her close. The fact that she could actually feel him unsettled her all together. The leader of Mutant X looked back at Jesse before lowering his head and kissing the top of the feral's hair. His eyes then focused on the fuming elemental and Lexa. Her own eyes, flashing their shared secrets. "My God..." He whispered while tightening his hold. "My, how my house has fallen." 


	5. Admissions

NOT FADE AWAY  
  
By: Sage 360  
  
Disclaimer: M-X, Don't Own Them. Enjoy!  
  
Thanks for all the great reviews and emails! Just to ease some doubts, I'm still the SB fan you know and love. This is just a fun- and realistic direction. Here's the next chapter.  
  
ADMISSIONS  
  
It was all enough to choke on. Adam right in front of them, Jesse now knowing about Lexa and Brennan and Shalimar angry at everyone. What would have seemed as the perfect moment for their leader to arrive now sat like a hangover on a morning after. All of them were sick to their stomach with emotion.  
  
Jesse stepped forward, now eyeing the brunette and again, his face said it all. Moving past Adam, he headed right for the woman, yanking her along till they reached his room. The door slammed so hard, it nearly broke.  
  
"BRENNAN!" He yelled directly in her face. "You kissed Brennan!"  
  
Oddly enough, she wasn't afraid. In fact, the woman stood crossed- armed before him. "Jess, we were undercover."  
  
"I bet!"  
  
"Y'know, you and I are not together. My God! You act like you own me."  
  
"Oh, I don't own you, Lexa. You have no problem giving it out to the rest of the world!"  
  
Her eyes blazed into the molecular's. "I only slept with Blake. Brennan happened because he cut contact with us and I had to reconnect. Shalimar was already out snooping, so someone could have made her."  
  
"It's not the action, Lex. It's the reason. You did Blake to detach from losing Leo!"  
  
"Jess!"  
  
"And you kissed Brennan to detach from me! What is it with you and 'feelings'-"  
  
"Jesse!" She managed, finally halting the man. "It's easier to 'live my life' without emotion -you know that."  
  
"News flash, Pierce! That is no longer your life! You are on a 'team'- whooo, scary concept. I don't doubt you went into that club just to connect, but something else happened inside. It was enough that you two argued about it and it was enough that you BOTH chose not to tell. And Brennan keeps nothing from Shalimar. Nothing!"  
  
The woman rolled her eyes at that. "Jesse, we kissed. Maybe a few times more than necessary, but that's it! If I'm so much trouble, why don't you walk away?"  
  
Stuffing his hands in his pockets to avoid punching the wall, he grimaced. "That's a damn good question...And you know what? Starting now, I'm gonna take your advice." The man stormed past her, phasing through the bedroom door .Lexa knew it'd be a long while. Professionally, Jesse leaving was right. Emotionally, she kicked her own ass.  
  
In the large corridor, he blazed by them. The elemental turned to face his teammate, his brother. But his face said it all. For once, the elemental stepped away from the molecular. Suddenly, Jesse had no problem going up against him.  
  
Put it was Shalimar who pulled him back. Grabbing the man's arm, she pulled Brennan to the side, leaving a stunned Adam behind. Her eyes swam with hurt and realization.  
  
"Shalimar..." He bagan. "Shal, I-"  
  
"I can't."  
  
Dark eyes narrowed in concern at the blonde, wanting nothing more than to destroy her pain. It was a tall order since he was the cause. "Can't what, love?"  
  
"I can't do 'this'...This 'thing' with you. Every time I think we get close, something -someone gets in the way."  
  
"Shalimar-"  
  
"The thing is," She sniffled. "You let them get in too easily, Brennan. Do you even know what you want?"  
  
It was an honest question. One that kept him awake sometimes. He had asked himself over and over and just when the man thought he knew, something would happen to make him step back. Truth was he was looking for an answer he could believe. How could he tell her when he didn't know himself? "I don't want this 'tension' between us, Shall."  
  
"This tension!" She gasped. "This 'tension' starts every time you 'end up' sleeping around !"  
  
"Shal, calm down. I never meant to hurt you. But you never exactly drew a line for us, or said what you wanted. It's not like I'm psycic!"  
  
"No, you have to have a brain to be that."  
  
His eyes rolled at the cheap shot. "Look, I hurt you and I'm sorry, but if you don't speak up and let me know what's going on with us, I can't follow your -guidelines. If I'd known you wanted a relationship, I'd-"  
  
"You'd what, Brennan? Marry me right now?"  
  
The dark eyes flashed right then, regarding the face before him. "I would."  
  
"Well, 'forgive me' is I don't believe you. Adam saved your ass before, but not now. I'm tired of this 'game', I'm tired of hurting when you're with someone and I'm tired of waiting for you to get it straight. If you want Lexa, she's yours." The feral snatched away form the hand gripping her arm.  
  
"Shalimar, you can't-"  
  
"Just don't get too attached. She likes to keep things open." Walking away, she'd done what her conscious said to or almost three years. Breaking the connection to an indecisive man was empowering, but it was also breaking her heart. Keeping her back turned, she moved towards the only place she knew was safe -right into the arms of her 'father'. In the back of her mind, she and Brennan would never be finished.  
  
It was late when Jesse returned to the rock. He knew no one would be waiting and right then, it was the safest thing. The drive had done him good, putting into perspective what truly happened. And while he couldn't make excuses for Lexa, somehow part of her didn't know it was self -destructive. His mind swam at the very thought.  
  
"Finally back."  
  
He looked up to see Shalimar sitting on the stairs. her hands hugged around a mug of something warm. It was obvious that she'd talked to Brennan -and obvious she wanted to forget it.  
  
"Bring one for me?" Jesse grinned as he lowered beside her. Seeing the smile on her face, though weak was enough right then.  
  
"Nope, but I'll share."  
  
"Thanks, but no. Right now, I feel like something stiffer than tea."  
  
The feral giggled at him, relaxing into that 'safety' they shared. "Same here."  
  
"So, where's Adam?"  
  
"He's actually asleep...God, I can't believe he's really 'here'."  
  
"Me either," Jesse replied. "Its unreal, y'know?"  
  
"Yeah...Jess...Hear me out." Shalimar warned. The molecular looked at her before reclining back onto the stairs. His blue eyes rolled at the conversation. "I think you and Brennan should talk."  
  
"Shalimar, he kissed Lexa. Those two are nothing but storms of sexual energy -who knows what else they've done."  
  
"Adam said nothing happened, and I believe him." She started. Her lowered head said the rest.  
  
"But," Jesse finished for her. "You don't think there's a chance for you and Brennan."  
  
"No....Not any more." The feral whispered. He wrapped an arm around her, pulling the woman close. "God,, Jess, I'm just so tired. It's like he's daring me to tell him to stop."  
  
"Yeah, I know."  
  
"But," She replied. "He kept quiet to protect you. Brennan does see you as a brother. You two should-"  
  
"It won't be tonight." The molecular interrupted. "Just give it some time...what about you and Lex?"  
  
Brown eyes rolled at that. "It's not exactly like we were close."  
  
"I'm just sayin', this team is still here for a while. There's no way we'll break up anytime soon. So, we all have to work things out."  
  
"Do you think if it were different -If you and I had kissed- that they'd react the same way?"  
  
"No." Jesse grinned. "Brennan would just murder me while Lexa walked away. She'd plot to kill you later."  
  
Shalimar laughed at his sarcasm. "That makes us safe."  
  
"No shit." Jesse grinned. "Truthfully, it wasn't intentional. They got caught up. It's not like that never happened to us."  
  
Shalimar faced him for the moment, truly thinking on his words. "You're right, Jess. Absolutely right." Against better judgment, her hand reached forward, bringing his face in contact with hers. Blue eyes snatched open in shock before closing to the moment. Shalimar was kissing him. Him, of all people. Reflex snapped in, holding the woman back. "Shal?" He asked. "What was that?"  
  
"Oh....I don't know." The feral grinned. "Maybe, just a little 'revenge." It didn't hit him right then, but she was all too aware. The action, that moment set forth a wave of anger never before readable to her senses. This one moment while justified, also allowed her to understand what just may have gone through Brennan and Lexa that night. It was dizzying. Head and heart collided in what was easier and what was right. The idea of them knowing was a battle she had to face, and there wasn't much time to spare -since Brennan had seen it all. 


	6. What You Want

NOT FADE AWAY  
  
By: sage 360  
  
Disclaimer: M-X, don't own them. Enjoy!  
  
Hey! I just saw Lauren Lee Smith ( Emma) on T.V.!She was on a CBS movie called "The Survivors Club", playing a rape victim. I mean it was the same ol' Emma, Except her hair was a very dark brown instead of red.  
  
WHAT YOU WANT  
  
Under the lights of the bar, he stared into his drink, still processing the vision burned into memory. Shalimar kissed Jesse. Not, just kiss, she initiated the whole damn thing. He knew she could sense him and he knew she was rational. There was no other reason for it. Pay back was a bitch.  
  
"Well," said a familiar voice. "Look who it is."  
  
"I really don't want to talk to you right now..." Lexa sat down, smirking at the tall man. Trouble sat written on his handsome features. "Obviously, you've done enough."  
  
"But you weren't thinking about it." She grinned. "At least not right then."  
  
She was right. At that point, the action that he'd stormed over wasn't theirs. Still, the very thought, idea of Shalimar and Jesse...Brennan stared down into his drink, unsure whether to take it down or throw it to the wall. He need some way to forget.  
  
"Brennan?"  
  
'Some way' was sitting right beside him. Due to ego and aggression, he'd never taken a good look at Lexa Pierce. However that changed the night, they kissed. And not at the casino, but at the bar with Cole. Stressed, his eyes drifted to the woman, now sipping a martini ordered on his dime. His head and heart debated on telling her what he'd seen. And between the sudden itch to run his fingers through her hair and 'figure out' the form fitting dress, the 'defense' guarding his hurt told the man not to care. "You know we're all even now..."  
  
Light blue eyes regarded him in question. "And that means?"  
  
"You wouldn't believe it if I told you."  
  
Lexa sat back watching her teammate. Some how, the whole tortured sinner trying to be a saint thing got to her. Part of her did feel guilty for putting the wrench in his thing with Shalimar (Even though they'd never admitted to having one). But now as he sat beside her, she could feel something about him being different. It was in how he took down the alcohol, and placed the glass slowly back into place. It was in how he turned to look at her. That same 'energy' that pulled them both that night in the bar was there again, only this time boundaries were non-existent.  
  
She could taste what he was thinking. "Okay, Sparky. What happened at the Rock?"  
  
"How bad do you want to know?"  
  
"Well," The brunette started. "It has to be serious if you're drinking over it. So lay it out for me."  
  
The man chuckled, leaning on the bar he grinned dangerously. "Lay it out for you?"  
  
"Yeah, spill it."  
  
"Okay...Shalimar kissed Jesse."  
  
Lexa's face drained in interest. They kiss all the time. It's that mushy family thing."  
  
"NO..." The elemental smirked. "They 'kissed' and on purpose. Happened right in front of me."  
  
He could see it on her face that she was upset, but in true 'Lexa' fashion, the woman shrugged it off, chasing her thoughts with another sip of her drink. "Well, seems like that 'family' never really established borders."  
  
"Lex, they did what they did."  
  
Her eyes looked away, casting the most thought ful glance. "Do you think they meant it?"  
  
"I'll put it this way." The dark man replied while stealing the olive from her drink. "Neither one of them's thinking of us right now."  
  
She leaned back, unintentionally crossing her legs in a motion that grabbed his eye. Brennan knew she was hurt ( those who gave it, never did think of their own defenses). Lexa was one, who like him wanted to forget. The detached feeling was a way of survival, and had led to several understandings between himself and the chromatic molecular. Still, if he wanted to put it behind him, oddly enough she'd know just how to make him forget. "Let's dance."  
  
"Excuse me, what?" He replied when just snapping back into their conversation.  
  
"Come on..." Her grin was dangerous, signaling all the sirens of better judgment into action. But, like he EVER listened to them. "I like this song."  
  
"Lex, I don't 'do' dancing."  
  
Gripping his wrist, she pulled him out of his seat. "As of right now, you do."  
  
Music is a dangerous thing. With God like properties, a melody can initiate any emotion it chooses. A person knows, this and thus, weakens themselves to that one 'arangment' that can strike the absolute center of their being. One note can cause that 'need' for the stimulation that only a song can feel. Whether it be a guitar solo in a bluesy ballad, or a single voice crying for heaven, the very emotion that is humanity knows what it is to loose itself to the notes. It dictates what we forget and remember and at the moment, neither Lexa nor Brennan wanted to know anything else.  
  
As mighty as music is, it still needs accomplices And the most willing are the dance floor and alcohol. The people around them gave in easily, leaving the two teammates in a struggle deafening their senses. Arms had never felt quite so good around her before- neither did the hips swaying against her own. And, she couldn't quite remember anyone ever smelling so...'good'. Their rhythm was so slow, just introducing what they'd managed to learn in their earlier rush. "Hands off' had never meant anything to Lexa, and she wouldn't let it start that night.  
  
But for Brennan, hands off had always been a green light. It traveled back to his life as a thief. It was little things that got him started. Like lights bouncing off of skin, or the way her hair smelled. His fingers finally got their wish, and slowly moved through the midnight locks. Slender arms draped his shoulders, furthering the interaction of bodies that sat just past dancing and just before giving in. He seemed to float out of his body as lips brushed his neck. Forgetting could be wonderful indeed.  
  
Somewhere between her hands on his chest (and his on 'other' places), they kissed again. Desire sat laced with alcohol and a feeling of knowing what would happen. The wrong choice meant no going back.  
  
"Lex..." The dark man whispered. "We should stop..." Right then ,the straight man in him was calling him an asshole.  
  
"Should we..."  
  
Their very eye contact said it for him. Pulling her close, their kiss was ravenous, nearly too intense for them to think. "Hell no...Let's go."  
  
The molecular sat at the base of the stairs long after Shalimar had left. She'd kissed him, or he'd kissed her. Either way, they'd stepped over boundaries he'd thought simply not possible. And though, there was this electricity between them, it still felt like a violation. Major violation! His mind stormed between the relationship they knew and what happened on those very steps. Somewhere there had to be a reason.  
  
"You still up?" The feral asked.  
  
Lowering his head, the man grinned as blonde locks rushed past. "Yeah...Shal, what was that earlier?"  
  
"What, the kiss." She grinned. Dropping down beside the man, she leaned into him grinning. "What, you don't like me, Jess?"  
  
"No...I just thought we were more so brother and sister than....what happened."  
  
He watched the brown eyes dance with teasing. "Don't worry, we are. Brennan walked in and I just wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine."  
  
"So it-"  
  
"Meant nodda." The woman replied. "Scared you a little huh?"  
  
"Oh, yeah. But I'd bee lying is I said I wasn't relieved."  
  
"Yeah, Rocky, I know. I just wanted him to get a taste of his own stuff." Blue eyes regarded her from under thoughtful lashes.  
  
"Are you sure that was wise?"  
  
Now it was her eyes that watched him. "Why would you even asked that? He kissed Lexa, the very woman you have feelings for. I'd pretty much call that betrayal."  
  
"Yeah, but after our..y'know. I kind of understand what happened. They were undercover, and it got a little heavy. Who's to say that never happened to us?"  
  
"Yeah, Jess, but it wasn't with a teammate."  
  
The molecular leaned back, resting on his elbows. "Shalimar, I'm more so concerned with his reaction. Sparky has a hell of a streak where you're concerned. I just hope he's staying level-headed" The realization that crossed the woman's face was enough for him. "I'm turning in, Shal. Goodnight."  
  
"Goodnight, Jess..."  
  
But Lexa had long since slipped her ring off. And in the dim light of the hotel room, the only images she could make out were those of muscles curling above her. He was busy, pulling off her clothes and his own, lost in the actual moment of it all. Brennan had her pinned between himself and the bed, reckless to the oblivion of their union. The moment rang in her ears, screaming at the very reaction of all her senses. While this was the most amazing she'd ever felt in a man's arms, the absence of something she desperately needed was blinding. This was simply detachment sex -no emotion required.  
  
Her being appeared to split in half: one diving into the act, moaning his name and making every attempt to replace the feral's memory with her own. The other begged him to stop, knowing she'd doe enough to wreck the one good aspect of a life full of shadows. Brennan didn't fit. His eyes weren't blue, his hair wasn't blonde and his act wasn't one she. if he was the right man, knew would purely be based on love. Simply put, he wasn't Jesse.  
  
And some how, part of her could bet money that he was thinking of Shalimar.  
  
"Bren..." she moaned. Even now, it was a race against time. His pants were lowering and the lust in her wanted to feel him. "Bren...We need to stop." Her attempt showed as half-hearted, but finally the woman mustered enough strength to push him back. "Brennan, we can't"  
  
"I just bet."  
  
"Oh, my God!" The woman gasped. "Jesse!"  
  
Both turned, snapping up when the molecular de-phased in front of them. It had been picking at him to track down the elemental, for Shalimar's sake. Now, he pushed balded fists into his pockets, anger seeped through him in waves. "I was looking for Brennan." He started. "Should've known, right?"  
  
"Jess...wait." Lexa pleaded. Snatching a sheet around her, she stood to face him. Heartbreak once again tied him. "Jess-"  
  
"You can't explain." He started. "You couldn't if you wanted to!"  
  
"Does it matter?" The elemental stood while adjusting his pants. "You got what you want from Shalimar, so why are you here?"  
  
"Brennan..." Lexa pleaded.  
  
"Lex... Let Sparky and I talk for a moment."  
  
She didn't think twice before grabbing her clothes and heading into the bathroom. Closing the door, she turned on the water before creeping back to listen in. Please God, the woman prayed. Don't let them kill each other. 


	7. Torn Sheets

NOT FADE AWAY  
  
BY:Sage360  
  
Disclaimer: M-X, Don't Own Them. Enjoy!  
  
Thanks to everybody for the fabulous reviews! I took a chance in pushing this particular situation, but you guys have been great! Anyway, enjoy! Don't worry, Adam comes back next chapter!  
  
TORN SHEETS  
  
Jesse lunged at the man like he had nothing left. And Brennan was ready.  
  
It's funny how sexual depravation can drive a man to almost animalistic emotion. Even though rational and almost just, the molecular flew into his teammate, attempting to pummel the man into the bed. But Brennan knew better. After so many missions, the elemental knew just how to gauge his 'brother's' abilities. No matter how destructive they got, the blonde wouldn't mass up and he wouldn't throw bolts. Or so he assumed.  
  
"Bastard!" He yelled, while tumbling into the headboard. "You fucked Lexa!"  
  
"Jess- Damn it, Jess! Hold on!" Brennan had just ducked a fist he knew was meant to brake his nose. Adrenaline bubbled in his veins as he tried to focus, but due to anger ( and his raging erection), the very bull in him wanted blood. Still, the molecular flew at him, throwing and occasionally landing his punches. This wasn't the patient or practiced training they used on enemies. It was a pure, knock down, drag out brawl -which wouldn't be over till one was knocked out. "Damn!" The man yelled when another punch connected with his ribs. Jesse was starting to get ballsy- secretly the elemental was proud.  
  
"You knew how I was about her!" He yelled between breaths. They were so tangled, that neither could really get loose. "You knew I loved her, and you took her to bed!"  
  
"Jess- Shit! Jess, we stopped!"  
  
"When I walked in!"  
  
Brennan felt the bruise starting on his lower jaw. Dark eyes began to storm with anger. "Can't exactly play innocent. Can you?"  
  
The molecular pulled back just to miss crashing into the night stand. "Shal kissed me to get back at you! That was all!"  
  
"That was all!? I told you we were under cover! That thing with Lex and I just happened. But you chose to go after Shalimar !"  
  
"Dude!" Jesse spat as he caught his breath. "She kissed me! All it did-"  
  
Brennan pushed him into the wall, ready to land a massive fist in his face, his breathing was violently ragged as eyes narrowed on the very man he'd called a brother for the past three years. "And what? ALL IT DID WAS WHAT!?"  
  
"All it did!" Jesse began. "Was make her understand what happened between you two." Finally, he'd been able to shake from Brennan's hold and move to the other side of the room. "Brennan, it made her feel guilty. She hated intentionally hurting you. But look where you are..."  
  
"Dude, Lex and I just happened."  
  
"Bullshit! You need to come up with better lines. Why don't you go ask Shall why we kissed? Hear it from her. Look into her eyes before telling her youwent after Lex -AGAIN!"  
  
On the other side of the door, the brunette was somewhere between tears and disbelief. Hearing Jesse had loved her tore at the very part of her heart that had only been secured by Leo. Cracking the door, blue eyes caught the first instances of the men's aftermath. Both stood on opposite sides of the room. Jesse's expensive shirt and jacket ripped, while blood ran from his lip. Brennan was sparsely covered in bruises and also had blood on his lip. Between them , the bad she almost lost her soul in lay strewn with its ripped bedspread and sheets. Her head lowered at the disarray of it all.  
  
Brennan wiped his lip absently while watching the blonde. Jesse had seemed to calm down, slowly taking in the war they started. His head rolled back in thought. "I knew you'd - freak out."  
  
"Oh, you did." The elemental snapped.  
  
"I did...It's why I tracked you down." He finally thought it safe to sit down and occupied the only functional piece of furniture left in the room. Brennan plopped onto a broken bed corner. "If this 'thing' that happened between you two...if its because of me and Shal..." Jesse tried to focus on his words. "Does Lexa know?"  
  
Exhaling, the dark man leaned on his forearms. "It's...how we got here to begin with. She was hurt, but she tried to hide it."  
  
Jesse could've asked why Brennan even told the woman. But he knew that misery loved company. Two people burned by two others they cared for. Damn, that sounded familiar. "I told Shal I'd bring you back, so you two could talk."  
  
"What about Lex?" Brennan asked. Blankly, both men looked towards the door, knowing she could hear them.  
  
Jesse's bitter streak got the better of him. "Brennan, do you even care about her?"  
  
"Jess..."  
  
"I mean at all? If you've had feelings for her all this time, I'll understand everything you've done. Just tell me this wasn't - physical." Running a hand through his hair, the man finally connected eyes with his brother. "Tell, me you weren't another Blake."  
  
The large man leaned forward, resting elbows to knees. His very gesture said it all. Jesse needed to hear in out loud.  
  
"Jess, Lex and I didn't set out to hurt you or Shalimar. And this goin' back and forth just ignited one thing after another-"  
  
"That's not what I asked you. Do you have feelings for Lexa?"  
  
Dark eyes regarded him with the very intensity signature to the man. "No. Not like I have for Shalimar."  
  
"Then, what do you have? She had to mean something."  
  
Brennan hated how his teammate could knowingly become annoying. Like a nagging wife, he'd pick at something till it sat exposed. "She...she does." The man replied. "But not what she means to you." Jesse looked away in attempt to stable himself. "This night never would have worked out, Jess. We wouldn't have- ended up- where we were headed. You know that."  
  
"Yeah, I do." The molecular began. "And I know that you would lose it about anything over Shalimar."  
  
Falling back on the crumpled mattress, the elemental's eyes rolled. "Now I have to figure out how to tell her."  
  
"And survive." Jesse smirked. He'd made it across the room to knock on the bathroom door. A moment passed and nothing. "Lex?" he asked. It was too quiet, even for a woman used to the shadows. "Lexa." Finally, phasing through the door, he found the room empty. The adjacent door to another room sat wide open. Brennan watched as the man came back through. "She's gone."  
  
There was something about the cold she loved. The fascination of it kept her supplying the Sanctuary freezer with popsicles and ordering drinks just to munch on the ice cubes.  
  
Against the wind, the brunette cursed aspects of the life she lost when moving to the rock. In her earlier quests for Leo, she'd walked the city, lost in its very function till the process became necessity. Cool air would wrap her face, and while her body objected with the coat around her. She could almost smile into the night, wrapping in its naked blue. Suddenly she remembered her reason. The cold allowed her not to feel. It made every attempt to erase her broken heart.  
  
But the rock had its aspects, though they only came if she could get past the feral on her nightly rounds. Out on the jagged strip of coast and granite cliffs, the air curled differently, with a renewed chill, bent on easing her pain. In her earlier avoidances of the team, she'd literally be out on the beach till morning. And though the water washed her footprints away a million times over, she could still feel the imprints on the curve of her heart. She was out of her space. The city was what she knew, comforting and all hers.  
  
How she loved to be in it now.  
  
She'd left just after Brennan admitted that his feelings for the feral were stronger that what he had for her. And even though it was obvious, the brunette found her own anger more so projected at herself. She'd gotten weak in the rock. Never before would she have apologized for Blake. Add Leo's death and she'd become down right dependent. It almost made her sick.  
  
Looking down at her COMM link, she knew any minute, Jesse or Brennan would be on her trail. With simple ease it slipped into her pocket. All the woman wanted was to be alone in her world. The matter of dealing with them would come later, but for now it was just the concrete and streetlights. No one ever needs much to be happy.  
  
For about an hour, she strolled the night, passing party goers and club hoppers. So quickly, she'd forgotten what a weekend could feel like. But that memory surfaced as well. Placing her, once again, in the dark and against the music with Brennan. It'd be easy to shake him if she understood the connection, but she didn't know what it was.  
  
It definitely wasn't just physical. The very idea of him comparing his feelings for Shalimar to the ones he 'might' carry for her was insulting. Lexa never took kindly to being second. But this situation read like a book. Shalimar would be the one he'd follow, the one he'd protect and wait for- she'd be the one he'd marry. Jesse, again was perfect and wanting for herself to just open up. He'd always forgive, and find a positive in clinging to the very idea of 'them'. He'd love her with everything he had.  
  
So, why couldn't she shake Brennan Mulwray? He wasn't exactly her destiny- was he? The very thought only made her walk faster, increasing the wind blowing past.  
  
Suddenly, however. Lexa found herself thinking of their first teammate Emma. She'd came to Mutant X with Brennan and initially, they had the relationship. It made her snicker at the idea of Jesse stealing Sparky's girlfriend. But that wasn't possible. Every fiber of her being told that it was Shalimar who got in the way. Damn, she thought. They must have known the moment they met.  
  
Connected people could experience those things, she learned it from the one she had to her twin. Long before truly knowing what Eckhart was doing to Leo, she could sense it. And no matter how often he denied the truth, his pain would flood her till tears. That feeling was all that kept her knowing he was alive the last five years. So, Brennan and Shalimar were nothing to unearth. More so, it made her question one thing? If his heart completely belonged to the feral, why was he reacting to her?  
  
What she could also see that there was much more (sexual) tension between them. She (Lexa) must have represented some things-firsts- the feral had yet to experience with the man. Still. Just moments before, when she and the elemental had been entwined in one another, her mind could see Shalimar's face paling in realization of their 'union'. The brunette had been ready to either run away or follow through with Sparky, regardless of consequence. That scared the hell out of her.  
  
Knowing those streets for so long, she found her way to a diner on the corner of a busy park. It was all the same, her little booth in the corner, with the same menu and the same imported coffee. From the window, she could see all in the world while staying completely still. Walking in, she took that very spot, shed her coat and quickly ordered a nightcap. There was no going back to Sanctuary, at least for the night.  
  
"YOU BASTARD!" Shalimar yelled as she threw yet another glass in Brennan's direction. Jesse had long phased out of the kitchen, leaving the man to deal with the feral. "How can you say you almost slept with her? If Jesse didn't intrude, you wouldn't have stopped, and you know it!" Now a plate flew past, almost connecting with his ribs. "Bastard!"  
  
Brennan knew that if she wanted to hit him, she would have. Her aim was much sharper. It had been a good hour since he and the molecular returned to Sanctuary, only to find her waiting up. His admission broke her heart worse than anything the man had ever seen. "Y'know." Shalimar started. "I almost wish you had slept together. Then, you wouldn't be my problem, she wouldn't keep hurting Jess, and it won't be in the back of my mind that you 'could' go back to HER!"  
  
"Shal, I'm sorry. I thought you and Jess were together. I saw you kiss him for Christ's sake!"  
  
"You should know better, Brennan." The woman continued. "I'd really make an advance on the man I consider a brother. Really!" Another dish desperately wanted to fly at him, but the woman's arm was starting to shake. Shalimar wanted to hate him. Anything that could make her forget how handsome he was or his embrace was worth the bloodshed. But as the plate fell to the counter, her eyes couldn't hold back anymore. Somewhere deep in contempt for the man she loved, the woman blamed herself. "Was it enough Brennan? Was that one kiss enough for you to go to bed...with her?"  
  
He knew he could ask her the same thing. But being a smart ass was the last thing they needed. Never in those last three years had he seen Shalimar crumble like she did that night. "I just wanted to forget, Shal..." He replied, surprised at how shaky his own voice had become. "I just wanted to erase you and... my 'brother'." It wasn't that she had kissed him, but how. Brennan saw the woman grab Jesse with everything she had. Fake or real, that wasn't a kiss brothers and sisters share-at least, not normal ones. "At first, it wasn't enough...but as I thought about it...." Defeated, his head lowered. "I don't know what to say."  
  
Shalimar hated her feral senses right then. Even now, she could smell Lexa's scent on the man. Even the heat they shared wafted into her nostrils. It had never been like this with the others. Now, Brennan some how seemed-used. And no one liked hand-me downs. Still, the blonde's heart screamed at her, saying "You started it! You just had to kiss Jesse.! Retaliation did only work, when one could get to the person's center. How else could you crush someone than by destroying their trust?  
  
But that was something that Brennan and not even Lexa (though portraying to be) ever set out to do. They never wanted truly hurt Shalimar and Jesse. Hell, they'd both been injured themselves. Watching the man lean against the doorframe, Shalimar turned away, unable to hold back tears. "I'm just tired, Brennan. I'm so damned tired..." He moved towards her, but she stopped. "No...I just can't be near you right now."  
  
That flooded his brain with the aftermath of Leo's death and how Lexa broke down. That kind of hurt seeped into everyone it touched. "Shal, I'm sorry." He said. Somehow, 'I love you' seemed a little too cheap right then. "You know where I am."  
  
Strangely, she found comfort that he was there in the rock. "I know."  
  
Like any woman, she waited till he was gone to really break down. Leaning on the counter, her body shuddered in nearly uncontrollable sobs. Soon, large hands were gripping her shoulders, steadying her against his frame. Unable to fight back, the blonde let go, crying into his chest. "I knew you wouldn't leave me..." She managed.  
  
Folding the woman in, Brennan lowered his head onto hers. "I couldn't leave you." He managed. Guiding her to the floor, he let the feral cry till she fell asleep. All the while, being torn. Somehow, he and Shalimar would survive, but what would he do about Lexa? Standing silently in the doorway, Jesse wondered the same exact thing. 


	8. Needing To Talk

NOT FADE AWAY  
  
BY: SAGE 360  
  
Disclaimer: M-X, Don't Own Them. Enjoy!  
  
Hello! Thanks to every one for reviewing. Now, I know some of you are asking why I'm torturing Jesse....well, don't worry. The good always get their justice in the end.  
  
NEEDING TO TALK  
  
Adam was worried about her more than anyone. For two days, Lexa had been gone. Her ring was deactivated, as well as the tracker in her car. Ironically, the Dominion seemed not to call in, looking for her. That only meant the knew of her whereabouts.  
  
However, the rest of Mutant X had enough on their plates. Between missions and safe house runs, the once binding relationships sat strained. Of course Jesse and Shalimar were fine- they always would be. Even the molecular and Brennan were coming out on good terms (Adam knew they wouldn't hold grudges for long). But it was one between the elemental and the feral that had him on guard. Something in the man had always told him Brennan would somehow hurt her. He just never wanted to believe it.  
  
Even so, the two were talking. They were quiet conversations out of the way of himself and Jesse. Both were finally opening up, explaining just why they'd act or react when dealing with the other. And for once, Adam found peace in their bond. Now the only problem was what to do with Lexa when she returned.  
  
The main concern was Jesse. Adam truly couldn't determine if the man's attachment to her was one purely out of emotion or simply to replace Emma. Still, the connection between them was one more so of nurturing. Did Jesse just need to protect someone or to save them? No, the scientist thought out loud. He was much simpler than that. Jesse was only in love with the woman. A beautiful, dangerous, destructive woman - the very same qualities that had pulled in Brennan. He was a sucker for dangerous beauties.  
  
Leaning onto the catwalk railing, the older man watched as they began their daily routines. Things were actually calm and for that, he thanked God. His team, his children were finally coming back together. But, in the back of his mind, he knew that, some how, they were only in the calm before the storm.  
  
And on the third day, that storm returned.  
  
It was late when Lexa finally returned to Sanctuary. Days in the city had finally given her the clarity she needed. Pulling from her black Lexus, the woman grabbed her bag and began a slow pace towards her room. The garage corridor echoed softly in the steps of her heels. Somehow, it seemed possible that she just might make it in without running into anyone. But that hope died just moments from her room.  
  
He stopped just short of his own room, watching the brunette emerge from shadow. Still, the very sight of her was always unsettling. As usual, she was dressed in her signature Dominion black. And her hair fell in midnight waves around her shoulders, framing the pale face and blue eyes. He leaned into the wall, crossing his arms and waiting. She only moved to walk past.  
  
"You could say hello."  
  
"Don't exactly feel like it right now, thanks."  
  
"Lex," He started. "Where have you been?"  
  
Turning , the woman moved to face him. Why was she such a sucker for beautiful men? "Around...but, don't worry I'm not staying long."  
  
"What? The Dominion has you doin' something?"  
  
"Not exactly." She started before pushing the door open to her room. "I'm leaving Mutant X."  
  
"Yeah right."  
  
"Seriously." She grinned falsely. "The Dominion is sending you a new agent tomorrow." He watched as the woman went about her room, packing the few items she had left.  
  
"Lex, you can't leave...."  
  
"Oh really? Well, after the other night, I don't think I'm too welcome here."  
  
"Please!" He replied while stepping forward. "What about Adam? And Shalimar?"  
  
"Do you really want to say her name right now?" She watched as he crossed his arms even tighter across his chest. "She wouldn't really be upset."  
  
His eyes narrowed at her, truly searching for some line that'd change her mind. "What about Jesse? He tried to kill me over you."  
  
For the moment, she looked at Brennan. How could she be so torn when the obvious choice was Jesse? Some how, he wasn't so automatic for her. The very idea that they weren't finished, lurked in the back of her mind. Shit! She thought. Why these two? "I remember...I saw you."  
  
The elemental sat down across from his teammate, lacing his hands in thought. "Do you love him, Lex?"  
  
Those blue eyes flashed at him. "....Yeah, I do."  
  
"But its not so simple." He finished for her.  
  
Standing, the woman began to walk the room. "I told him not to trust me. I told him!"  
  
"Jesse knows better. He used to date a psionic, remember?" Brennan leaned back on his arms. "What's holding you back?"  
  
"Brennan, I'm not getting involved with Jesse." She snapped. "And tomorrow, I am leaving."  
  
"You always know when to run, huh?"  
  
"Well, you can't really speak y'know, since you were 'so desperate' to forget Shalimar..."  
  
His brow rose at that. "So, you're not getting with Jess -because of me?"  
  
"Don't flatter yourself..." She smirked. "I'm just tired of the family feud."  
  
Brennan thoughtfully chewed his lower lip. "Lex..."  
  
"Don't start, Brennan."  
  
"You don't even know what I'm going to say!"  
  
"Really?" She replied." Let me guess. If things were different. If there wasn't a Mutant X. If we met some other way, where we didn't hurt any one....right?"  
  
"Okay, so you did know. But that's not the point."  
  
"Yes it is, Brennan. I can't be with Jesse cause it wouldn't be complete. And I love him ENOUGH to not sacrifice any more of his feelings. I want you, but I love him! He doesn't deserve that....Do you know what the ironic part is? I can do with out you..."  
  
"But not him." The man replied. Once again , the woman focused on throwing her things into the bag.  
  
"I'll be gone before you guys wake up." Snatching the zipper closed, Lexa tore out the room. Brennan stayed on her heels. Still, both knew not to say anything till in the garage. Throwing the bag in her trunk, the woman moved to open the door. The elemental slammed it shut. "Brennan-"  
  
Taking the keys, he shoved them into his pocket. Between the narrow space of the Lexus and Jeep, her only exit was closed off by his frame. "You need to talk to him."  
  
"How? Maybe the way to 'talked' to Shalimar? Bet that didn't go too well..."  
  
"Lex! You can leave, but not without settling things with Jesse. He'll try to find you, and you know it."  
  
"Brennan, you need to move!" She knew better that to raise her voice. Sanctuary was just waiting to echo their words.  
  
"Make me." He smirked.  
  
With lips curling into a devious grin, she followed. "You asked for it."  
  
Her hands snatched the man towards her in a desperate kiss, knowing he'd resist. And he did, at first. But as the very feel of one another, flooded their senses, the elemental pushed her back into the wall, parting her lips with a needy tongue. They knew the situation could get worse and finally, she broke. Leaning back against the concrete, large fingers slipped through her hair as foreheads rested against each other. Her fingers were begging the woman not to let go. "I'm gonna say this one time..." She whispered. "If you love Shalimar...then let me walk away."  
  
Hungry eyes connected in sudden understanding. Finding strength, his hands pushed into her shoulders one last time before the man stepped aside. Without a word, Lexa retrieved the keys from his pocket, got into the car and drove away. And though both just knew it was right, deep inside it rang in their ears. Her separation from Mutant X was one big mistake. 


	9. Made Of Stone

NOT FADE AWAY  
  
Disclaimer: M-X, Don't Own Them. Enjoy!  
  
Hello! Now, as a S/B and a J/L fan, this story was a 'test' to see how far I could push those as loyal as myself. It was good to see that you guys at least had questions about 'directions' we'd all rather the show not go in. It's been interesting writing this piece - and scratching a few nerves, But, alas, I'm not that mean ;p , so hear is a chapter for all those especially loving Jesse - and some redemption for the feral! Enjoy!  
  
MADE OF STONE  
  
She knew he was watching.  
  
Wrapped up amongst the dark sheets, Shalimar lay still, waiting for the presence in her doorway to act. So often he'd just enter, curl beside her and talk till they gave in to sleep. That was before his 'mistake'. Light brown orbs searched the darkness for answers while listening to him shift in the doorframe. Weak, she thought. Why was I so 'weak' with him? And it was true. This one person touched buttons, and provoked cave ins not possible by any other. It was always true that women fell for 'difficult' men - she was no exception. And that she hated.  
  
Damn! She thought. Why'd I have to fall for Brennan Mulwray?  
  
Somehow, her anger was more so self- directed. That breakdown in the kitchen days before had not been because of his actions, but her reactions. The stress of dealing with him had found a way to suffocate her very being. No, she hadn't cried for him hurting her (And it did hurt!). Shalimar cried because she was disappointed in herself. For once, neither feral nor human could hold on to its insatiable pride and walk away with intact walls. Instead, she sank to the floor, finding refuge in the very arms that hours before were wrapped around her teammate. Her tears stained a shirt laced with the woman's expensive perfume, and her nails gripped for dear life into the flesh of the man she (Shalimar) loved - the man who'd all but gotten inside that damned woman.  
  
She was disgusted with herself.  
  
But like love and hate, strength and weakness brought their own strange balance. The days that followed lead to serious conversations on both the feral and Brennan's behalf. Slowly, expectation and assumption gave way to the insecurities that separated man and woman for three years. There was always a reason, an excuse, or someone else to keep one from facing the other- emotionally. And that SO went against her feral nature. Somehow, she knew that Brennan loved her -and she loved him. Yet, this 'attraction' to Lexa (of all people) wasn't something so easily defined as physical. Still, it wasn't love either, which brought some ease.  
  
They shared an understanding. Shalimar could see it at times and though she also came from a hard life, there was an awareness that connected Brennan to Lexa. It had been there when he followed her in searching for Leo and there when she chose to save the elemental over her own brother. Somehow loss and survival made them -close. But Shalimar could have never expected how much.  
  
He mumbled something under his breath before finally leaving her doorway. She didn't move. And though her entire being craved his hold right then, her heart and head finally sat with common knowledge. Brennan would have to fight his way back to her.  
  
That was something he knew all too well.  
  
Striding into the center of the hall, travel halted when seeing Jesse move towards him. The molecular was tired and it showed. All this time, he'd nearly slept at the computers, trying to figure someway to track Lexa down. His entire frame drooped with weariness, making the elemental not even want to tell him the truth. In his mind, he knew he never should have let her leave.  
  
"Jess." He started. "...You look beat."  
  
"Yeah, I just got a hit off Lex's COMM Link-"  
  
"Yeah...you just missed her." Brennan could see that his knowledge of the fact cast a knowing inquiry in Jesse's eyes. The elemental cut to the chase, before his teammate could start. "She's gone, Jess...She left Mutant X."  
  
The molecular crossed his arms as the azure eyes narrowed to slits. "What do you mean gone?"  
  
"Gone as in she left." The darker man replied. "She left the team 'cause of me - and you."  
  
The blonde ran a hand through his hair, trying to process the information. "It hasn't been t long. She couldn't have gotten far..."  
  
"Jess! She doesn't want to be found." Brennan replied while grabbing the man's arms. The molecular snatched away quickly, eyeing his 'brother' with disgust.  
  
"I just bet you know what she wants, right? You always seem to know just what a woman wants, Brennan!"  
  
"Jess..." His voice was calm. "I tried to stop her. I told her you needed to talk. I even blocked her from getting in the car!"  
  
"Wonder how hard that was for you?"  
  
It became obvious that he nor Shalimar would hear of that last kiss. "Dude, she didn't want to stay when it was clear how much you were hurt. Lex never had to be 'responsible' for anyone like that. She figured you were better of without her-"  
  
"No, she figured YOU were better off without her AROUND." He replied. "That way, all your attention could be on Shalimar. Shit Brennan!"  
  
The elemental crossed his arms while watching his brother. "She left because she loves you." The molecular's head rose at that. "She doesn't know how to handle that. Why be around someone when their better off without you?"  
  
"Because she's scared, Brennan! No one has ever been around long enough to stop her from detaching. All that ice and ego is a front -just like you. You didn't pay attention 'cause you were too busy-"  
  
"Jess, I can tell you this, dealing with someone 'good' when your life's been full of ass holes is a hard thing to do. And no matter how much you're attracted to them or are concerned about them, in the back of your mind, you KNOW they're gonna hurt you. In that life, its best to do the hurting." Brennan could see the understanding in his brother's eyes. The defensiveness eased from Jesse's shoulders, making the man lean into a nearby wall. "It's a hard thing to unlearn."  
  
"You know a little too well."  
  
Looking at Shalimar's door, Brennan drifted for the moment. "Yeah...You look beat. Get some sleep. Can't go looking for her when you can't drive." The elemental walked away finally understanding two things. One was that he and Shalimar would some how have a chance. The other was that the garage had been a last stand for Lexa. Her kiss wasn't one to pull him in. She was saying good -bye to any possibility they'd ever thought of. The woman knew he'd step aside to let her leave, and with it, take any desire of them being together. She cared enough to walk away so he could be with the woman he loved and 'she' lay sleeping across the hall. He knew the hurt was never intentional, more importantly Jesse ( and eventually Shalimar) would as well.  
  
"Brennan?" The molecular interrupted for a second time.  
  
"Get some sleep dude." The man grinned handsomely. "You look like shit."  
  
Jesse waited till the elemental was in his room before finally going into his own. Falling onto the bed, he grinned into the pillow like a lunatic. What were a few hours when the rest of his life lay ahead? Closing his eyes, the man settled himself into finding the woman he loved. And unlike Brennan, he knew just where to start. 


	10. Women And Drinks

NOT FADE AWAY  
  
By: Sage 360  
  
Disclaimer: M-X, Don't Own Em. Enjoy!  
  
Hello! Thanks for the wait. I've really been thinking out the ending to this piece (may come in a few more chapters). But, my love for "Jesse" has been nagging at me, so this chapter is more so about him. I just love heroes! Anyway, enjoy!  
  
WOMEN AND DRINKS  
  
Lights. In life, they are an odd element. In one instance, they can mean victory, or survival - thus, the saying 'The light at the end of the tunnel.' On the other hand, the 'brightness' can leave us at our most naked in a world waiting for exposure. Still, without light, there's no darkness -which gives shelter in shadow. And until our skins are thick enough to survive our exposure, we dance around the light's edges. There's always just enough for us to see without being out in the open. It's a natural and needed balance, completely part of being human. And the definition of Lexa Pierce.  
  
Amongst theses lights, she was an ironic subject. A mutant with the ability to manipulate the very thing that scared her. Thus, she thrived in it's lover and adversary. But as she thought about it, the woman realized all of Mutant X's members were ironic that way. Except maybe Shalimar. Yet, as the flashing enveloped her, and a slender fingernail traced the ring of her glass, light reminded her of the very thing that kept her running. That very element, with warmth and fullness, could embrace her. And if she just gave in, it could cause a rapture unparallel to anything she'd ever known.  
  
Light reminded her of Jesse.  
  
"Shit..." She muttered. Turning to face the crowd, blue eyes drifted into the pulsating forms. Music filled her very senses, pushing the brunette out of her seat. If she couldn't have what she wanted ( or needed), then she'd get lost in what she had. And though still carrying the attraction towards Brennan, her heart was strengthened by the fact she walked away. Her life was always full of what could have been. Still, there was a saving factor. Her one action, released a good person from his heart's self -destruction. Jesse loving her would have hurt the man till it killed him. "Well, Rocky...." She whispered. Tipping the glass upwards, she swallowed the contents before setting it on the table. "Here's to you."  
  
Emotionally and mentally, we deny that a person can have, want or love two people. Women especially, by being 'engineered' to be loyal, can't process the heart willingly being separated in such a turmoil- until they're in the situation , or become the 'other woman'. And while men are groomed for 'openness' in more accepting terms, somehow the majority can detach loyalty to their 'love' from fulfillment of the body. Ironically, both are only looking for trust and security. Lexa's only true loyalties had been to her late brother. And though she now knew she loved Jesse, the part of her desiring Brennan wouldn't be ignored. She'd simply have to bury it.  
  
Someone would have to make her forget.  
  
She snapped back to reality when a body bumped into her shoulder. Some girl, grinning hysterically, apologized before continuing to gyrate with her date. Lexa rolled her eyes before beginning a steady pace into the crowd. Bass and drums drifted up from the floor. For one night, she 'd lose herself- with no regrets.  
  
Blue- white flashes pummeled over the sweaty crowd, laced with slivers of red. This club, and its amazing sound system poured a dangerous beat onto the crowd. The brunette, had never needed a partner to move, and soon found her arms reaching above her head. Eyes closed as hips began to move. Her spine became fluid, swaying slender curves to and from. This was her own personal heat, leaving the woman reckless. Here, she was at peace.  
  
And she knew she was being watched. Even as her fingers laced in the dark hair, lifting the rush to reveal a naked back, exposed from her top, there were eyes on the woman. Her own opened, seeming electric in the glowing flash of lights. The heat of surrounding bodies had her drifting and soon her body knew, she wasn't being interrupted but joined. Hands were on either side of her waist. Her head leaned back on the large shoulder, eyes slipping closed just as the blonde strands of hair fell over her shoulder. Lips were on her neck. She knew him all too well.  
  
She knew the hips riding along her own, and she knew the ripped torso that leaned back, slightly giving to her spine. She knew the legs that raced beside hers, only longer, stronger and thicker in their muscle. She knew the expensive scent, the ride of his loose jeans and the racing of his heart. She knew the fore arms wrapping her narrow waist, and happening to sit just below her breasts. More importantly, she knew that voice... low and calm, it drifted into her ear, saying something unreadable to her through the music. It was the action that more so, set her on fire. She knew him to be the very thing she was running from. - till she opened her eyes.  
  
Again, she was alone amongst the crowd, and disbelieving that something so physical had only been her imagination. Naturally, she scanned to see if any of the nearby men had been the 'object' dancing behind her. None of them came close. Damn, she thought. I need to stop drinking. Turning, she moved to another part of the crowd, oblivious to the mutant re- materializing underneath flashing lights. He so loved being a molecular.  
  
The night was far from over. 


	11. Clearing Tables

NOT FADE AWAY  
  
By: Sage360  
  
Disclaimer: M-X, Don't Own Em. Enjoy!  
  
Hey! Sorry for the delay, but life calls. I've been thinking on this chapter for awhile, only because there's two possible directions this could go in. So, bear with me as I end this one. Let me know what you think.  
  
Note: I know this is weird, but I've always thought Jesse would have shoulder length hair. It's how I wrote him in other stories, but for the sake of this chapter (More importantly, this scene), the long locks are back. Oh Yeah!  
  
CLEARING TABLES  
  
Most people figured Jesse the weaker of the team. He was good natured, rational and almost- ALMOST- maternal in his protection of the team. His quiet gave way to speculation, and wonder. But, never was there the intensity that followed his counter-part, Brennan. Truth is, the masses always mistake kindness for weakness. Jesse was in fact one of the stronger members of the team. His ability to phase and mass made him nearly invincible. And if possessing the fluid agility of either the elemental or feral, he most certainly would be Mutant X's primary force. Yet, the man had an honest understanding of his position. He was a calm protector, more stable than any of his team mates, thus his nickname - Rocky. But that night, all boundaries and rationale had left him. With eyes glowing beneath errant strands of blonde in his face, the molecular's tall form began a slow pace through the crowd.  
  
No one had a clue as to how reckless he was.  
  
Even more so, his beauty was taken for granted. Next to a six foot five elemental, the molecular's six-foot frame would seem non- existent. But not that night. Normally under the construction of designer threads, his muscular form breathed easier in the black wife-beater. The surprisingly thick construction of muscle made him seem a little too comfortable in his skin. Women couldn't help but notice. Running a hand through his gold locks, he eyed the crowd quietly. She was there somewhere...  
  
What most failed to recognize was his persistence. When some could only see their perspective of a situation, he got the full overview. That was the basis for continuing to pursue Lexa. Her attempts to stay withdrawn from the team had left him concerned -at first.  
  
Moving through the crowd, and smiling off 'innocent' advances, he was only looking for her. In that instant when they'd barely danced, the interaction left a deafening heat on his skin. She'd recognized then embraced him, knowing exactly what was happening -more importantly, whom she was with. It was all the motivation he needed, and kept him moving. He could sense her by then.  
  
For someone so guarded, she lost herself easily. Within, the tightly knit crowd, she moved, barely slipping past the boundaries for male eyes. As music roared in her ears, the brunette swayed, unaware of his searching gaze. Large hands paused her, causing the woman to turn and finally face him. Something seemed dangerous about the man underneath the tumbling lights. Whether it was the angles of his face, or the very curl of his lips, his details unsettled her in the most intimate ways. Pulling her close, Jesse made no apologies.  
  
She tried to pull away, for fear of hurting him again, but what stared back at her wasn't the broken heart from days before. In fact, this 'Jesse' was -stronger. Holding the woman against him, blonde edges of his hair spilled forward, tangling into her own hair. Nails dug into his forearms, awakening both to the impending moment. It was a slow torture one put on the other. With lips moments apart, hands curved over her hips, pulling them into the music. They more so inhaled each other, taking in the various scents. Sweat, perfume, heat- all collided between the moving bodies, making him hungry and her light- headed. It was their silence amidst the roaring crowd.  
  
She hadn't realized he was pulling her along till they where halfway up the stairs. Jesse made sure to keep an arm around her, forcing people to walk around them. He led her past the masses, and into the darker recesses of the club. Still screaming with sound, the lights gave way, fading into a dark gold. Here, they were alone- which terrified her. Again, he encircled her, moving slowly against music. Lexa needed time to give in, and slowly inched into relaxing against him. He knew it would be this way. She'd made an art of covering her feelings, but never a thought as to dealing with them. This moment scarred her to the point of trembling. Wanting to ease her fear, lips brushed her cheek. It was all he could do- and all she needed to let go.  
  
What at first was concern, became slow desire. His touch on the soft skin meant only to reassure her. But when she finally relaxed and managed enough nerve to return the kiss, walls as she knew them tumbled. If he moved, she followed and eventually walking backwards, thighs brushed against the edges of a nearby table. Absently he lifted the woman, spreading her slowly along its wood. Her fingers grasped into his hair, causing gold rain to fall in her face. Desperate lips and hands swarmed, removing their clothes. Lexa watched the man above her, not believing her heart actually opened to him. Between whispers and promises, he made sure to hold her, only going where she chose to take them. Blue eyes crossed paths, taking one another in and not quite believing how beautiful the other was. Lexa gave fate one more chance to stop its cruel joke. She could feel Jesse, even taste him, but her mind couldn't quite register his presence. Doing the only thing she could, the woman closed her eyes, her only admittance, an 'I love you' whispered when he finally entered. Jesse smiled down at the woman, embracing her with everything he had. Tormented by hunger, they made love, oblivious to the partying crowd only moments away. 


	12. Sparky's Aftermath

NOT FADE AWAY  
  
Disclaimer: M-X, don't own them. Enjoy!  
  
Hey! It's been awhile, I know. But this girl is on a mission. I'm looking for VW's GYM magazine article from 2002. So if you have it, please send it to me (smiling). I think this is the last chapter, so it will be long. Thanks for bearing with me. And of course a new piece is coming....Enjoy.  
  
SPARKY'S AFTERMATH  
  
It wasn't quite so easy for Shalimar Fox.  
  
With Jesse gone and Adam coped up int the lab, her only company was Brennan- which left her torn. Difficult to decipher how her feral side took 'betrayal', she was caught between wanting him and wanting to kill him. Those thin lines could drive her crazy, and kept the blonde choreographing her steps around him. If they talked, she'd never stay too long or say too much, after all, that would be letting him in. And that's the last thing she wanted.  
  
Only problem was, he was already 'in', and she had no way of changing the locks.  
  
That second day with her 'brother' out, had the woman retreating to old habits. Unable to rest and antsy for space, she took to the woods of Storm King Mountain, relishing in the fresh air and vast land. Never the less, that didn't scratch her itch either. What she needed was to be away, from the rock, the team -him. More than anything, she needed to be away from her heart.  
  
'Away' took her deep into the city, roaming the streets of a bustling downtown. It was a club night and she could smell the party. Having already dressed for the occasion in a stunning blue number, the feral had her pick of places, and found herself in a gyrating multi-level called Rain. Before she knew it, she was embossed by the crowd, inhaling every physical emotion that could permeate through skin. Watching was enough, thus, she headed for the bar.  
  
A few feet away, brown eyes settled on the familiar figure. The blonde could feel her lips curl as her mind dabbled between stepping up to speak or leaving all together. Her feet knew she needed closure. More importantly, her heart needed a drink.  
  
"Look who's out tonight..." she smirked while settling into the next seat. Eyes broke from though, processing the woman in surprise. But it was the feral who's expression suddenly changed. In this proximity, nostrils took in the most unsettling scent, sending realization sprawling through her mind. Somehow violation crept through slender veins, daring her eyes to glow in gold. It was the smell of family - and sex.  
  
Lexa looked up from her drink, oblivious to Shalimar's feral observation. To the normal eye, her demeanor was calm. But to this woman who knew her, details rang out loud. The brunette was flushed, and mentally consumed by 'whomever' caused her state. She relaxed as though trying to be comfortable - like something ached from strenuous activity. Finally, the glazed blue eyes and lack of defensiveness curled around a knowing the blonde didn't want to admit.  
  
It was Jesse. She could smell him on her.  
  
They'd been together that very night.  
  
"Where is he?" The feral began. Glancing at her, and too 'relaxed' to be smart, Lexa smiled softly.  
  
"He'll be back..."  
  
Lexa was blushing! The very thought penetrated Shalimar's defenses, causing an unexpected giggle from her lips. "...Buy me a drink." When blue eyes cast her a glance, she reiterated. "You at least owe me that."  
  
Her team mate gestured to the bartender, before continuing the conversation. "So..."  
  
"So."  
  
"Shal....I didn't know what to think of you and Brennan. Actually, I didn't know what to think of a lot of things...."  
  
"Till tonight, right?" The blonde stared into her Ameretto Sour, stirring the straw absently. "But you knew you two wouldn't be serious."  
  
"Or permanent. Jesse just kept holding on...I've never dealt with that."  
  
"Is that why you left?" The blonde continued. "Better to run than face those you hurt."  
  
"Easy is easy. If I'd known you and Brennan were serious, none of it would have happened."  
  
"How could you? He didn't know..." She replied, following a sip of the drink. "Shit, I didn't know."  
  
"So, what is going on?"  
  
Looking at Lexa, the woman could see her own need to understand. "My 'feral' has already chosen him. That was out of my control. But my human knows better and both are pulling at me. I can do bad by myself, but...there he is."  
  
"...And he loves you..."  
  
Exhaling, she looked away. "Yeah, that too."  
  
Lexa leaned in. Knowing better than to touch the tense woman, she only narrowed the space. Shalimar's heart cracked as Jesse flooded her mind. Not just his skin, or cologne, but his emotion sat evaporated into Lexa like a heavy lotion. "Shal...I'm sorry. I left so I wouldn't hurt Jess or you any more. But, now...I have to see..."  
  
"Just take care of him." The blonde warned. "You know who you have to answer to."  
  
"So you're okay with this?"  
  
Looking at the crowd, she suddenly needed to move. "Not yet, but I will be...Especially after you buy me another drink." Music poured into the woman as she stood on the dance floor. It was in her to say something else. That however left her when turning back. Jesse had returned and stood with his arms laced around Lexa. They were smiling quietly, melting into each other's embrace. Though grinning, the feral rolled her eyes before stepping into the masses. That night, she'd be pay her own bar tab.  
  
They hadn't seen Jesse for several days. Adam, after giving him 'time off' let it be know that the molecular just needed space. But they all knew better. That time he took to find Lexa, also meant time for talking and truth. If the two could work things out, then he'd bring her back. At the end of that fourth day, the Sanctuary had been shut down, with Adam and Shalimar already gone to bed. Brennan stood sparring in the gym, unable to sleep or do much else. A striking flash of highlight and shadow, a new moon's paleness slipped through windows, casting him in soft light. His breath curled outward in the room's cool air. Concentration almost had him cut off, till footsteps faded into his ear. They were back.  
  
Still out of sight, the man headed down the stairs, making sure to stay out of view. Bare feet padded quietly along the cool floor stopping just before entering the hall. Keeping to the side, chocolate orbs took them in. They were definitely together.  
  
Jesse walked slowly, running a hand through his reckless locks. The other reached back, linked with Lexa's. The even looked as though together. She in one of her black halter dresses, and he in his usual jeans and white shirt. They moved absently, and though not talking, their language spoke volumes. They'd joined- in every since of the word.  
  
Brennan observed them quietly, watching as she moved past him to lean on a nearby wall. Jesse wasted no time in stepping towards her. The kiss was slow, but heated enough to confirm his thoughts. They were officially 'together'.  
  
In a strange way, it settled him. After all the torment, seeing them laid to rest his issues of what ifs with Lexa. And though he honestly had been (and still was) attracted to her, he knew a relationship would have never worked. They were too much alike, too bull headed and brash. Nothing to base a stable relationship on. Grinning, the tall man pulled away from the wall, and headed back to the gym. There was no reason to interrupt them.  
  
And it only left one thing. Shuffling along the lobby, Brennan pulled on his shirt. It was late and if people thought 'she' was sleeping, then the feral was actually up. Dark eyes noticed her door ajar, and peeked in. Her bedroom sat empty. Tousled sheets and a thrown of guilt, indication of her inability to sleep. There was only one place she'd be right then. Walking to his room, the man pulled on a fresh shirt, jeans and his boots. She would make him go out in the cold.  
  
The elemental was thankful she hadn't gone far. And that she didn't move from his approach. The blonde stood on some rocks, over looking a choppy shoreline, her arms crossed over for warmth. Before he could say a word, she interrupted. "They're back?"  
  
"Yeah..." Brennan continued. "Just got in...doesn't look like they want to be interrupted though." Lowering his head, the large man fished for things to say . But, the shop was closed on conversation.  
  
Shalimar ,however, easily continued. "So where does that leave you?"  
  
"You tell me." He began. "I don't know what to think of you sometimes. Are you wanting a relationship? Are you pushing me away? How can I not hurt you if I don't know what you want?"  
  
Turning to watch him, brown eyes reflected surprising understanding at his words. "I agree."  
  
"You do?"  
  
"Brennan, I still don't know what I want from you...What I do know is that you're the final destination for me." Her head lowered as blonde waves rippled in the wind. "It's the road that's messing me up. Neither one of us are ready, but..."  
  
"But we know the outcome." He interrupted. "Me and you...Shal, Lexa was a mistake. Seeing her with Jesse only proved that. I shattered your trust and that I'll work to fix..." A hand reached out, pushing through her hair so he could see her face. "You know I love you..."  
  
"Love's not enough, Brennan." She replied. "We can kill for each other, actually die for one another...What we don't have is security. I can't trust you'll always be there."  
  
The elemental lifted her chin, exposing a tear streaked face in the pale light. "Shal, when you're ready, I'll be whatever you want. It may take awhile. Or you may find someone else. But I will wait for you...The question is, do you want me to."  
  
"I don't know...neither one of us is ready to risk things-again." She sniffled. "I'm so tired of this, Brennan. I'm tired of you! I love you! You run off with anything that gets your pants open and then come back to me like its okay. We may not be together, but you have an idea of how things are. You know what you do hurts me, and you know I can't help what I feel. My feral chose you as my mate. But the human so wants to kick your ass!"  
  
"Shalimar. Tell me what you want! If you want us to try, we'll try. You've never stepped up and let me know what you need from me. I can't read minds!"  
  
"No shit!" She snapped. "You know what I want? I want to stop sitting up sleepless every night, worried about if you go off with other women. I want to be able to come to you and tell you that I love you without smelling cheap perfume or recent sex on your skin! I WANT to know you feel the same way and not wonder if you're too afraid to even act on it. But I can't have those things with YOU, cause I can't even trust you right now! I mean, physically, you'll 'be' with me, but emotionally, it won't be there at all. You'll do what you think you have to. Not what's in your heart."  
  
He stood silent as the woman closed her eyes, pacing her breath to regain some control. Finally, her voice returned, quivering. "I want to know when these games will stop. I'm here and I want you, but I won't be second. Nore, will I be a last resort when you're tired of chasing 'trash'. If you don't want me, then say so...But if you do, prove it. Work at it till it hurts...work for me till you win-" Her words snapped shut at the pressure of his kiss. Struggling with everything she had, the feral desperately wanted to pull away. She was ashamed at how he could overpower her, both physically and emotionally. Her mind screamed as her body and heart gave in, melting into his warmth. Finally, pulling back, his embrace remained tight, nearly constricting her lungs.  
  
"You know what I feel, Shal..." He whispered as their foreheads pressed together. "You're what's in my heart, You're what I want...I betrayed your trust and will break my neck to fix it. But no matter how much 'I' do, 'you' have to decide to come to me...you have to stop being afraid." Letting go, he stepped back. "I'm here and I'm waiting. You've been afraid to act and that left 'every action' on me. And that's wrong... but you know that."  
  
"I-"  
  
"We." He interrupted. "If we ever cross that line, then 'we' both go in betting everything and holding nothing back. Are you ready for that kind of commitment?"  
  
Suddenly silent, the woman shuffled in place. "I know I am..."  
  
"And so do I..."  
  
"But what I'm saying is that I can't come to you now. Not after every thing...not after Lexa." They all knew it'd be in the back of her mind. Every time she saw them talking or left them alone, the feral would question what exactly was still there. No one said that the heart could only break one way. Yes and no, love and hate, want and disgust all battled for her right then. Still, when looking into his eyes, she saw every thing she knew. Brennan was her future. All she had to do was go after it. "I just need time..."  
  
"...I can give you that..." He replied. Stepping close, the man kissed her forehead. "And I will wait for you, Shalimar." With that, he walked back towards Sanctuary, leaving the woman to sort things for herself. "And Shalimar....I may not mean much, but I do love you."  
  
Sniffling, and feeling ea for doing so, the feral replied. "I love you, too."  
  
Turning to glance at her, his eyes caught the fidgeting in her stance. Silently, Brennan reached out a large hand, waiting for her reply. She eyed him, debating as cold air curled around her. Eventually, her steps started and slender fingers embraced his own. Leading her through sparse trees and sand, he patiently walked her home. And the 'hand in hand' drew closer, becoming an arm around the shoulder. Leaning into him , the feral closed her eyes. Understanding that love wasn't easy or simple, she readied for the possibilities of a future with him. It was enough to have the man she loved. More importantly, she knew they had a chance. There was hope for them yet. 


End file.
